Money and relationships—can the two ever exist in harmony? Yes! When it comes to marital problems, money fights are the second leading cause of divorce . If you've ever bickered with your spouse or partner over money, you're not alone. Early on in a relationship, many couples discuss their views on marriage, children and Many psychologists specialize in relationships and marital issues. Here's something you may already know: many couples struggle with money issues in their relationship. In fact, you and your partner may be experiencing.
In fact, you and your partner may be experiencing problems of your own around the issue of money. This may be hard for you to believe. Yet, imagine your money as a symptom of something larger. This may help to explain why constant bickering about money rarely resolves anything.
The more you focus on correcting the symptom instead of the root problem, the greater your frustration and possible damage to your relationship. So what is the root problem? Money is used in a limitless number of ways to calm fears we have.
This is especially evident in many relationships.
John is a money conscious guy who knows where every penny he spends goes. He would like to know how his wife spends all of her pennies. He is constantly nagging her to keep receipts, stay within the budget, record the checks she writes, etc.
The tension between them has escalated to the point of getting professional help to save their marriage.
Quiz: Is money causing problems in your relationship? | Relate
A far better approach is for John and Mary to begin exploring their individual, but often unconscious, motives with money. John, for instance, could ask himself why he needs to track every dollar spent. His first thoughts might be to save for retirement, pay off their mortgage, afford nice vacations, etc. But if he could be honest enough with himself he would see that his need to control money is really about his fear. Money gives him a sense of security.
Make informed decisions with the FT.
When his wife spends freely and seems unconcerned about their finances, it threatens that security he is working so hard to maintain. Mary, on the other hand, could ask herself what purpose her impulse buying serves. With some candid reflection she would find that spending money is a way for her to feel better about herself.
When she feels down, sad or discouraged she is most prone to shop. Spending money is a way of treating herself, of sidestepping the emotion she would rather not deal with. Until John and Mary are willing to look at their own fears and shortcomings they will probably continue to blame one another for their money problems.
Talk about your fears So ownership stops the blame game. But now you must tell your partner about your part in the conflict. This accomplishes two things. First, it takes your partner off the hot seat. Your spouse could respond in a condemning manner, making you the scapegoat for the entire problem.
Tell my partner eventually, but expect them to react badly d. Talk it through with my partner as we are open and honest with each other about money Q2. When my partner buys a treat for themselves, I. Take it back to the shops and refuse to talk to them for a week b. Get angry, start a row and accuse them of being selfish c. When our account goes overdrawn or we miss a loan or credit card payment I immediately Blame my partner for being hopeless with money b.
Expect my partner to blame me, because that's what always happens c.Money and Relationships: It’s NOT Complicated - The Rachel Cruze Show
Feel anxious because we don't seem to have our spending under control d. Understand that my partner and I are both responsible, and that we need to sit down and agree a workable financial plan Q4. When planning for holidays I tend to Book the most expensive package I can find, after all we all deserve a decent break b.
Get annoyed if my partner wants to spend more or less than me on a family break c. Feel upset that we all deserve a decent holiday, but understand that we can't do that yet d. Agree to compromise by choosing a holiday where everyone gets something positive out of it without blowing the budget Q5. If there's spare money left at the end of a month I immediately want to Go out on my own and splash out on something expensive b. Buy the kids the latest gadget, even though my partner doesn't agree - I can't bear to see them go without c.