The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ – The Durk Web
An in-depth profile of the INTJ personality type and traits, including analysis of Like the INFJ, they can talk at great length (and depth) on topics that interest them . career or relationship decisions in Phase II (see my INTJ relationships post). Common traits of an INFJ include being asked the questions below and in the relationship might lead to emotional incompatibility, or possibly. The Strengths of the INFJ and INTJ Relationship The INFJ can feel that the INTJ is being uncaring or undiplomatic. The INTJ can think that.
We enjoy deep conversations and expressing our thoughts and feelings. We cannot settle for anything vacuous or superficial — if it is not deep and intense, it is truly not satisfying to us. This is one of the biggest issues for INFJs in relationships. As people pleasers, relationships are a way for us to showcase how much we love the other person and have a uniquely intense emotional relationship.
What better way to get instant INFJ satisfaction than in a monogamous relationship right? Throughout our lives we have had to learn that having a deep and meaningful conversation with every person you meet is not a viable lifestyle and most people are not used to this.
We are weirdoes to most people! We must contain the crazy. The problem with our relationships is that they can involve a lot of one-sidedness. What is a normal conversation to me e. This normally results in us emotionally attracting people that may not have the best intentions for us, purely because they feel like they have never felt this emotion before.
In the past my relationships have involved me giving emotional support and receiving the minimum amount back. It was an extremely unhealthy relationship for my personality type but it made me realise that I had limited emotional resources and that I could not connect with just anyone.
Everyone wants to be loved and for INFJs it can be interesting to have someone to give all your affections, but that also means running the risk of someone leaching from you. My boyfriend is an INTJ. So my boyfriend supposedly has similar traits to the Tesla guy and the Interstellar dude. My boyfriend is very decisive. Our relationship is full of decisions. From the onset, I was determined to let my boyfriend understand that he must not confuse his initial level of comfort around me with us sharing a much deeper connection at the start.
Maybe I was just being over cautious but I will explain below why I did not need to go through any of that with him. I believe that people often overlook any pairing of the INFJ with an introvert for fear that too much introversion in the relationship might lead to emotional incompatibility, or possibly a lack of balance in the relationship.
From my own experience, I find most extroverts to be too much to take. I like to think of myself as being a shy peacock. Now imagine a garden full of peacocks. Now imagine another peacock who has his feathers readily on show for all to see and thrives from being surrounded by all these humans in awe.
The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ
This is how I see most extroverts and I honestly would not be able to cope. Partly because I find the most extroverts actually discourage me from coming out of my shell because of how present they are; I feel as though I do not have space to be myself because they are just so.
What got my attention when I met my boyfriend was: I had not met someone who made me feel like I was looking into a mirror, but with a deeper voice, more confidence and self assurance. I had not even considered his personality type or how compatible we may be because it all went very smoothly.
This is why IFPs, for instance, can often be found helping the homeless, working with children with special needs, protecting endangered species, etc. Once we add Fi into the mix, it is not hard to see how INTJs might be attracted, even if unconsciously, to rescuing and fixing those who seem needy or helpless. The relationship then becomes a sort of psychotherapeutic forum, with the INTJ working to analyze, diagnose, and treat his wounded partner.
It zeroes in on the unique features of the individual and grows deeply attached to those qualities. While INTJs may not experience the consistent strength of feeling that FP types do, they are nonetheless influenced by the less conscious workings of Fi, which helps inspire loyalty, love, and commitment.
This makes it a highly alluring function, powerful enough to inspire a fierce and protracted tug-of-war with the dominant function. Money also relates to status, another Se-related desire. They may, for instance, feel forced to perform unfulfilling work that fails to utilize their Ni-Te gifts.
Or, they may struggle when the quality of a product or accuracy of information is compromised for the sake of marketability. INTJs also hate having to act before their intuition has prompted them to do so.
All of this can make the work life of INTJs rather miserable as they struggle to find a compromise between their Ni and Se concerns. Even the idea of compromise can be loathsome to INTJs, since their idealism and perfectionism are so pronounced.
This perfectionism tends to be most acute when they attempt to directly control Se outcomes, such as when making art, performing, or obsessing over money or status. When functioning healthily in Ni, however, they rarely fall into the obsessive grip of perfectionism.
INFJ / INTJ relationship? : intj
With that said, pairing with an SFP rarely brings lasting satisfaction to INTJs, since, as introverts, their wholeness must come from the inside out, rather than vice-versa. Fi is highly sensitive to injustices, especially those affecting individuals perceived to be incapable of helping or defending themselves e.
Te may also play a role in the process, such as developing strategic or logistical plans for reforming broken systems. I know one INTJ, for instance, who had a rather difficult upbringing and has spent most of his adult life trying to understand and remediate his childhood wounds.
This led him to develop interests in both normal and abnormal psychology. It may be that differences in childhood experiences affect the degree to which INTJs focus on Fi matters, including their own emotional landscape.
INTJ Personality Type & Traits
Some INTJs are emotionally labile and constantly turning to others for support. Other INTJs are characteristically more steady and independent in handling their emotions. I hypothesized that in most cases it was probably career-related, such as trying to match their personality to a particular career field.
I later realized that their reasons often ran deeper than that. Extraverted Sensing Se The importance of the inferior function has long been grossly underestimated in the type community. Sometimes called the lost, missing, or repressed function, it is the most unconscious of the four functions. It is also the most difficult to access, understand, and integrate. Despite its relative elusiveness, we should be careful not to dismiss it as irrelevant or unimportant, as has too often been done.
The truth is that a proper understanding of the inferior function is indispensable in the human quest for wholeness and integration. This is especially true for those in Phase II of type development.
Fortunately, the challenges associated with the inferior can be largely offset by understanding its essential nature, as well as potential ways of integrating it. Generally speaking, having Se as their inferior function makes INTJs less attuned to the details or concrete elements of life. While Se takes in plenty of sensory data from the outside world, what INTJs typically experience is an Ni synthesis of that information.
So instead of registering particular environmental details Sethey see the world through the lens of Ni impressions. They can therefore seem rather oblivious to the details of their surroundings.
This is not to say, however, that INTJs are unaffected by, or insensitive to, their physical environment.
Although they may be consciously oblivious to their surroundings, they are still absorbing and subconsciously registering a breadth of environmental stimuli. Similar to INFJs, their nervous systems are often highly permeable and sensitive to the environment. This is why they commonly know things without realizing how they came to know them.
They passively absorb information apart from conscious effort. This permeability can also make them susceptible to overstimulation in noisy or chaotic circumstances.
INTJ Personality Type & Traits
Because of their conscious disconnect from the world around them, many INTJs report feeling like aliens or strangers in the world, even estranged from their own bodies. This can make them leery of unfamiliar S experiences, such as trying new foods, drugs, or physical activities. Those intrigued by their inferior Se may display a surprising thirst for sensory novelty, material comforts, or physical thrills.
They may drive expensive cars, purchase luxurious homes, or opt for high-end accommodations when travelling. Some even become connoisseurs of fine food, wine, or art. This points to the love-hate relationship INTJs often have with their inferior function.
Depending on time and circumstances, Se matters may be viewed as a source of great pleasure and intrigue, or one of fear, stress, and frustration. Fortunately, this propensity is well-explained by type theory.
Namely, INJs can be understood as striving to integrate their dominant Ni with their inferior Se, to see their N ideals perfectly materialized in S reality. Parenthetically, while it is true that ENPs also have a dominant N i.