Make Your Relationship Priority
Does your partner make you their priority in life, or are you treated more as an option? From the first move, to the first date, to defining the relationship, you are always the one making all the effort. Lower your expectations. So how do you know that you aren't being made a priority in the life of your partner They don't put much meaning into your special occasions. Friendship, much like any relationship, is give and take. Yes, you have to listen to them mull over their latest heartbreak for the trillionth time to.
Every relationship requires effort and the happiest relationships are the ones that have been given plenty of attention. Think back to the start of your relationship.
What was it like? How much effort did you put in to make your partner happy? How much time did you put in to being there in the relationship? How often did you put other things such as friends or work as a lower priority in order to put the relationship first? For most couples, the relationship was given top priority at the beginning and fast track to the present and it is often given the lowest priority.
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I understand that life changes and with children, careers and mortgages, priorities have to change and time is limited. For most couples, they are aware that the relationship may be having some problems, that it is not as satisfying as it once was, but there is often the unspoken belief that once time is more available possibly many years down the track then they will put effort back into the relationship.
Until then, it can limp along without any attention given to it. It is during this period that relationships often fail. I don't expect me to be her priorityso why should she expect to be mine? This reminds me of an important qualification of Ye Olde Golden Rule.
Remember the old "treat others the way you want to be treated" adage? It's great for teaching empathy to five-year-olds, but it's inappropriate when it comes to adults. Adults are generally expected to understand that different people like different things. This applies to your situation in that your priorities are different than your girlfriend's, and neither of you should expect change from the other.
Dating Advice: What to Do When You’re Not His Priority | Cupid's Pulse
Now, it is possible that your priorities WILL change, a la grumblebee's example, above. In the meantime, you are going to have to accept that you two have different priorities. It always hurts to hear bad news, like that we aren't the most important person in someone's life, even if it makes sense rationally. I suggest you find a kinder way of making your priorities known to her next time it comes up.
Or maybe avoid a subject that so obviously hurts her. All of that said, it's also possible that there's an imbalance in your relationship, and the reason this topic keeps coming up is because she's insecure because she knows she's more involved in the relationship than you are.
That's a big warning sign, like wmeredith mentions. You'll probably get more targeted advice if you follow up with - your age bracket - how long you've been with this woman - whether you live together posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 7: She's hurt and thinks you don't lover her as much she loves you.
That's the real issue. You don't give any details or specifics, so it's hard to judge where she was being unreasonable or you were or ya'll are miscommunicating. But the core issue is that she feels ike a fool for loving you as much as she does, 'cause you don't care about her as much as she cares about you, at least in her mind. If this continues, she'll find someone who DOES make her feel good. You two clearly need to talk about exactly what you mean here.
Clear your calendar for a night, ask her to clear hers and hash this out as quickly as possible, 'cause longterm this could kill the relationship.
As to the main question: In a relationship, should your priority always be towards your partner? No, of course not, you need to take care of yourself also, and sometimes first.How He Treats You Is How He FEELS About You!!!
This isn't about the plain facts of what's more important when. This is about support, and the perception of support. During a time when something else is more important than my partner, instead of TELLING him that, I would say, "Hey, I'm going through something intense right now insert details here and I don't want to drag you into it until it's all taken care of.
And if you really need attention from me, be sure to speak up because I don't want you to feel neglected. What she heard was "You don't care about me.
8 Signs You Aren’t A Priority In Your Relationship
I know that's not what you said, but for better or worse the question wasn't "am I more important than other things? If, say, your mom was in a car accident and she needed a ride to her job and you told her that you'd go see your mom in the hospital, you're still implying that you don't care about her.
If instead you tell her that you'd go see you mom in the hospital but would be thinking about her and worrying about her job - ah - that communicates something totally different. My wife, and myself. Sometimes work, family, friends are what I need to satisfy myself, or a means to an ends, but to what degree depends on how much attention I need to devote to my wife.
Some of those guys are perfect! And the tight pants they wear -- you can see exactly what they have to offer. I wasn't complaining -- I told him that!
5 Signs You Are An Option, Not A Priority | Thought Catalog
It's just, obviously, some guys are going to have bigger dicks than his, you know, statistically. Heart-shaped box of chocolate. Or alternately, you're just not that into her, and cut the passive-aggressive crap and admit it to yourself. There's nothing worse than fake "that was really good" when you know it wasn't. Being priority number one every hour every day isn't even desirable to me, and I wouldn't want it expected of me. There may be context to this that we're missing in the post, but at face value I think she is being dramatic.
And I think sending flowers and candy perpetuates the problem. If you'd give up your gf for any of these, the she has a right to be upset and eventually ditch you. If not, then there's a communication problem - you will always give her needs relative priority, not absolute priority. If she has a health emergency, for example, that takes relative priority over all other things.
But if she wants to have dinner together every night, and your Family - friends - work needs to go to the hospital, then she looses.
Make Your Relationship a Priority
How old are you? I bet you'll feel differently when you're 40, 50, 60, Bodies begin to fail, sex-lives become harder to keep fresh, you've heard the same stories times. At some point, kindness and nurturing become more important than harsh truths. Yes, I want my wife to be honest with me. No, if I get into a horrible, disfiguring accident, I don't want her to say, "Honey, I have to be honest with you.
But navigating it is part of being in a mature relationship. And if you love someone, it's not all that hard. In fact, the only time they seem to come up is when either person wants to hide behind some supposed general rule instead of actually owning a decision they've made.
As such, I find a general question about priorites to be generally unanswerable. As for not understanding why she's upset ThePinkSuperhero is dead on. However, if you two are cuddling on the couch, and she's like "You're the most important thing in the world to me," and you're like, "Well, sometimes my job is more important," then you're an insensitive clod. Also, she has reason to worry.
Plenty of guys live in a world where men and women are different species who can never understand each other. These guys will inevitably get dumped when their girlfriend gets tired of being treated like an alien and ends up latching onto the first male who treats her like a human being.
Yeah, I'm young and naive. But I'm old enough to know that truths can be truths without having to be harsh. Ask whether you are expecting too much from your partner. Have you got a life outside of your relationship that brings you happiness and meaning?
If not, try to create one.
Take up new hobbies or rediscover old ones. Learn a new skill. All these things are acts of self-respect and when you begin to respect yourself and your time, you may find that your partner does the same. Speak to a counselor together.
Sometimes, having a neutral observer provide their perspective on the problems in the relationship can be the catalyst for change. Maybe the counselor can get to the root of why they act the way they do and suggest ways to alter their behavior. Perhaps the very suggestion of having therapy will show them how serious you are about them and your relationship, and how close they are to losing you.
At some point in time, after trying your hardest to address the problems in your relationship, you will have to decide whether you are prepared to continue being an option in their life.