Family relationships vocabulary - LinkNotions
My father-in-law's brother's husband = The husband of the brother of my father-in- law. My spouse's father's daughter's husband = The husband of the daughter of. the father of one's son- or daughter-in-law; that is, the father-in-law of one's son or daughter, or, the father of one spouse in relation to the parents of the other. Adding the role of father- or mother-in-law to your resume requires a new set Sons vs. daughters: The in-law relationship is important to your.
Discussion This study presents unique data examining the formation of mother-in-law and child-in-law relationships over time from the perspective of four family members. Findings support retrospective studies of the in-law tie that have found early emotional qualities are associated with reported relationship qualities after marriage Merrill, ; Prentice, We found that early relationship qualities and contact alone with the future in-law facilitated better relationships after the wedding.
Relationship Qualities and Expectations The majority of brides, grooms, and mothers-in-law did not endorse negative feelings about their in-law relationships portrayed in media images and cultural stereotypes Merrill, Rather, findings were consistent with a qualitative study showing mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law reported positive expectations and feelings in the relationship Turner et al. Surprisingly, there were no significant generation, gender, or side of family differences on the relationship dimensions behavioral, affective, cognitive at Time 1 or in the positive and negative relationship qualities scales at Time 2 after controlling for age, education, time known the in-law and other variables.
The 3 Best Rules For Managing In-Law Relationships | HuffPost
Methodological differences may help account for the discrepancy in patterns of findings. The vast majority of studies of in-law ties have been qualitative in nature e. Thus, we were able to include control variables, and to examine potential differences systematically.
Nonetheless, we may have missed subtle nuances. That study examined a distinct population, however, encompassing rural farm families in Iowa in the late s. Gender differences in in-law ties may have waned in more recent cohorts, particularly among non-rural populations such as the participants in this study. Alternately, gender differences may have less to do with mean differences in relationship qualities and more to do with the components of those qualities.
Early Relationship Dimensions and Post-Wedding Relationship Qualities Findings revealed that behavioral and emotional aspects of the relationship formation stage were associated with post-weddings quality of the in-law relationship.
Findings involving contact with future in-laws revealed interesting complexities. Having more contact in general was associated with lower positive relationship quality and increased negative relationship quality after marriage.
This finding is surprising; more contact typically is associated with increased intimacy and positive feelings Lawton et al. Yet, individual contact was associated with more positive feelings about the relationship after the wedding.
The 3 Best Rules For Managing In-Law Relationships
That is, contact in general includes the romantic partner. In some instances, the reporting family member may have felt coerced to interact with the future in-law. By contrast, contact that is individually initiated may be chosen and foster intimacy.
Positive relationship qualities during the relationship formation period were associated with more positive feelings and fewer negative feelings after marriage. Retrospectively, mothers-in-law and children-in-law have reported continuity in qualities of their tie from before the marriage Merrill, Here, we controlled for the relationship between the mother and own child; thus, the stability in the in-law tie is above and beyond that involving the grown child.
Knowledge of the other party was associated with Time 2 relationship qualities when it was included as the sole predictor in bivariate analyses, but was not associated with Time 2 relationship qualities when we included relationship qualities and behaviors in the same model.
In-law Relationships Before and After Marriage
These findings suggest that knowledge of the other party may be a facet of relationship quality; relationship quality was associated with subsequent positive and negative aspects of the tie. Expectations of the In-Law Tie and Post-Wedding Relationship Qualities This study also included a unique feature by examining expectations of the future relationship. Interestingly, expectations of the relationship were not associated with positive relationship qualities, but a limited set of expectations were linked to negative qualities of relationships.
Methodological issues such as the selection of codes or phrasing of the questions may partially explain the paucity of findings, but the pattern is consistent with the literature. Most individuals enter the in-law relationship with positive expectations of their future relationship Turner et al.
Fears that the relationship would not be close were prescient of a more conflicted relationship. Notably, many such responses pertained to feeling torn between the two families, particularly with regard to holidays. Moreover, mentioning other parties, such as birth family members, as a potential source of problems was associated with increased negative feelings about in-laws.
It is notable that anticipated problems with regard to autonomy and boundaries were not associated with the subsequent qualities of the tie. Prior research on mothers and daughters has found that problems involving exclusion and criticism or intrusion were associated with conflict in the relationship Fingerman, Findings from this study suggest that anticipated problems extending to the larger family e. Individuals may master the ability to deal with boundaries of their dyadic tie, but the larger constellation of family members Limitations and Future Directions The study is limited in several respects.
The challenges of recruiting four family members in the throes of planning a wedding were daunting, and people who participated may represent a biased group, favorably inclined towards their in-laws.
Likewise, the sample was homogenous. The scant literature on in-law ties suggests patterns differ across racial and cultural groups.
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In-law relationships also may vary by other demographic factors such as economic status. Future studies should attempt to capture a broader cross-section of the population. Further, father-in-laws deserve attention in future research because findings indicate that gender of the parent-in-law affects this tie Willson et al.
Findings revealed that the relationship between mothers-in-law and children-in-law may not be as conflict-ridden or difficult as media stereotypes. There were also fewer differences between daughters-in-law and sons-in-law than expected. It's no coincidence that popular culture focuses so heavily on in-law relationships, from the meddling mom and dad in "Everybody Loves Raymond" to the "Meet the Parents" movies.
These images reflect deep-seated worries about balancing loyalty to one's spouse with life-long bonds of attachment and obligation to parents, siblings, and other kin.
This worry is not an irrational one; research also shows that in-law relations are a key determinant of marital happiness.
But what should you do? As I combed through hundreds of reports of in-law relations -- ranging from loving and respectful relationships to "in-laws from hell" -- I uncovered three terrific lessons for insulating your relationship from problems with one another's' families. These rules for in-law relations have been tested by hundreds of the oldest Americans for decades -- given what's at stake, we should pay close attention.
Your loyalty is to your spouse. Life is full of difficult decisions in which no solution leaves everyone happy. Unfortunately, that's exactly what a difficult in-law situation creates -- a classic example of ambivalence that in a worst-case scenario may persist over years or even a lifetime. But sometimes the elders cut through all the complexity and just tell you what to do. Here's their advice on dealing with the supposed ambivalence of in-law relations: In a conflict between your spouse and your family, support your spouse.
The elders are unequivocal; it is your duty to support your husband or wife and to manage your own family in a way that consistently conveys this fact. Further, you both must present a united front to both families, making it clear from the beginning that your spouse comes first.
In couples where this allegiance did not happen, marital problems swiftly followed. In fact, some of the bitterest disputes occurred over a spouse's failure to support his or her partner. When I asked Erin, 66, to describe a conflict that came up in her marriage, she didn't hesitate: Oh yeah, his mother. A lot of conflict. I had the impression she didn't like me very much. I could live with that, but my husband never stuck up for me, so we fought about it.
The apron strings were tied to him, and you just didn't go against Mommy. And we fought about it because he would say, "Oh you're crazy, she never said that. And after it was over I'd say, you know, how stupid we're arguing about this, God forbid we get divorced over her.
My husband would never say anything like "Hey mom, that's my wife, cool it. So when there is conflict between your family and your spouse, don't feel caught in the middle, because your place is on your spouse's side.
To do otherwise is to undermine the trust that is the underpinning of your marriage. Remind yourself why you are doing it. This tip from the elders is one that many have used like a mantra in difficult in-law situations. You are used to putting up with your own relatives and you have accommodated to their quirks and foibles. But now you have to do it all over again. The closest thing to a "magic bullet" for motivating yourself to put the effort into in-law relations, the elders tell us, is to remember that you are doing it because you love your spouse.
Most important, by staying on good terms with his or her relatives, you are honoring and promoting your relationship in one of the best ways possible.