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The Most Hilarious Family Guy Quotes. Family Guy See HAHAHAHA. Meg: You could kill all the girls who are prettier than me. . Decent phones, God- fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew. Before we were obsessed with grumpy baby or disgusted baby, everyone's favorite infant was Stewie Griffin on little to young don't you think Family Guy Quotes, Funny Images, Funny Lois and Stewie. Faiza Asif · Family Guy. See more. Family Guy is an animated television series created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in Family Guy and all related characters, episodes and quotes are a copyright of 20th Century FOX Lois: Look, the bottom line here, Meg, is that you 're taking your own problems out on everyone else. Well, see if you find this funny!.
What are you doing? Push him down onto all fours! What are you do-?! I don't wanna do this! If he really starts freaking out, put your pinkie in his butt! He runs into the stereo and the three women break down laughing hysterically. I don't think so. You're in my juristriction now sheriff butt breath!
You got some nerve driving around my town with a busted headlight. And a busted windshield, and an untreated flesh wound. Just because you have a badge doesn't mean you can treat people any way you like. And as a law enforcement professional you have more than the average man, not less.
Now get the hell out of my town. Good morning, I'm Tom Tucker. Coming up, we talk to a man on the street while another man further back on the street flips you off.
But first, Quahog was hit by a major blizzard last night. Here, with more details on the snowstorm is Asian correspondent Tricia Nakahoma. That's wrong, you're not doing good so far. I'm standing here surrounded by snow tourists, stalled cars and the one douchebag that wears a tank top everytime there is a blizzard. Yeah, this is nothin'. Guys at work drank a quart o' motor oil once and didn't even die from it.
- Family Guy/Season 10
Put that on the news, but you won't. A little birdie told me that today is Meg's birthday. You give me credit? Yeah, I just told him. So, where is the birthday girl? Well, it's your 18th birthday, Meg. That's a very important milestone in a young girl's-- I mean, a young woman's life. Hey, welcome to the adult club, huh? And you know what? You got another member right next door if you ever wanna talk and stuff. His little finger wiggles] Hey Look at Quagmire hitting on that skank.
You know he's gonna close the deal. Peter, that skank is your daughter. Oh my God, You're right! I'd love to see you without your hat on.
The Most Hilarious Family Guy Quotes – All funny
A green hand emerges from her scalp, pulls beanie down] Okay. I'll take care of him! Meg, get in the car! I'm not going home. I'm 18, and you can't tell me what to do anymore! Meg, I'm only gonna say this once. You may be an adult, but you're still my daughter, and it's my job to protect you from errant wieners!
So I don't care how old you are, you're gonna do what I say and get in the damn car! If you ever touch my daughter again, I will cut your Cock off and feed that to Brian! And Peter and I get this cabin for one weekend a month, do you understand me? Peter I got us the cabin!! Would you sign the guestbook on your way out? We heard a loon. Of course, the most important part of any workout is a proper cool-down and stretch.
I've got a splinter!
Stewie, what is it? Oh, he just got a splinter. Oh, my poor baby. It's 'cause those stairs are falling apart. It's not just the stairs.
The Most Hilarious Family Guy Quotes
Meg has spent two days pinned under a roof beam. Let's just focus on the stairs, Brian. Lois, what the hell?! Oh, my God, Peter, are you okay?! What the hell happened to the stairs?! They're all slippery now! I had them replaced, remember? The old ones were so rough, and Stewie got that splinter, so I thought replacing the wood was the best way to go. When'd you do that?!
The other day, when you spent all that time at the drugstore. Couldn't figure out if that Hispanic lady worked there or not. She's obviously threatened by you. It's ridiculous and I support you fully. You can't let them get to you. They're jealous of what you have. It's nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
Only you can prevent forest fires. Livin' on a Prayer [ edit ] Peter: Wait a minute, Christian Science? Is that—Is that that thing all them gaybo Hollywood actors do to keep their stuff away from other guys' butts? On the DVD version, "gaybo" is replaced with "homo" and "away from other guys' butts" is changed to "out of other guys' butts" Peter: Okay, now take this walkie-talkie and confirm I'm at the various checkpoints.
Peter cutting the wires to the alarm? Sexy Peter distracting the guards? Come out and have sex with me sometime. Van full of Peters with stern faces because they're about to pull off a heist. Upside-down Peter who isn't revealed to upside-down until the camera spins around and shows that he is. Peter in an open airplane door, slapping Peters on the back as they parachute out.
Super gymnastic Asian Peter, contorted into a box that will be delivered into the house. Peter who hasn't answered because something has gone terribly wrong. Peter, are you there?
The 25+ Funniest Peter Griffin Quotes of All Time
Are they not seein' this? I know, it's kinda creepy. It's almost like he's dating Lois. Yeah — looks like somebody's getting a little Oedipussy. Can we say that? Do I still get to keep the twenty? Don't take this the wrong way, but have you actually got a penis?
Are you sure, so it's like Snuffleupagus down there, is it? Oh, the hell with this Lois, get the ruler. We're measuring again, and this time, I decide where the base is. I gotta take a bath. WOAH Solar eclipse blocking the sun, do not look directly at it.
I'm just making a comment Do you hear the word "Morbidly" a lot? Anyway, I'm off to read Meg's diary. I've only been here one night, but I get the sense we all dislike Meg. I hope the couch was alright. A lot better than the floor. And I should know because I went down on the floor, thinking it was gonna be a lot better than the couch. I don't like this, you guys — uh, this is bad Joe's gonna find out, I just know it! You need to relax — and I know how to help.
Calgon, take him away. Quagmire nervously leans in the bubbly bath, looking down as the soap bubble around him floats higher] Quagmire: This is supposed to be your time! This is the right way to deal with your problems. Oh my god look at this fire meMort and Quagmire just started! How could you do this? You have a family! For once, could you visit me in jail and not criticize me? Chris, you're four hotdogs behind.
I can't eat anymore. Remember what I told you. I get this weird cyst things right on the fringe of my sac. I want to get it checked, but I'm afraid of what they're gonna tell me.
I can do it! We have a winner. Ladies and gentlemen, Yamamoto has finally been defeated. You're a champion, and now you get your pick of the groupies. I put our family on the map tonight. No longer will we be just those faceless nobodys who brought the bird flu to Quahog.
You know, there's something seriously wrong with the man who always puts his friends over his family. I think you're over reacting. What's so wrong about a guy hanging out with his buddies? You're one of his buddies? Yeah, and you know why? You're just two people living in the same house. If you didn't, you'd never hang out with each other in a million years. I got a ton of errands to run, and I need your help around here. If I can't do the book, I'm gonna hurt something you love.
Maybe we should discuss this in the other room. I wanna fight in front of the kids! I feed off the excitement of an audience. Peter, for once you're gonna stay here and help around the house. Now, I need you to watch Stewie till I get back. This is why you shouldn't use wiki, literally anyone can change it. I can't dissect this pig, Mr. It's against my religion. Believe me Neil, it's no thrill for the pig to touch a Jew, either.
Okay, how about you, Meg? How are you doing? It's kinda cool cutting something that's not me. Ooh, speak of the devil. Ooh, make the devils. Look at this, Lois, see right here [points in book], I was voted most likely to succeed!
Oh, I wondered why they had the wrong picture and name. I got an idea, an idea so smart my head would explode if I even began to know what I was talking about. That was then and this is now. And this is a chair. And you have boobies. I like him, he remembers my name! I read a book about this sort of thing once. Are you sure it was a book? Oh, I thought you wanted us to murder the children and harvest their organs for beer money. Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Yeah I think it looks better. You pasted it over me. What the hell does RANT mean? I am here to grant you three wishes. Oh this is so exciting. I want a new hat. I want them to have new hats! Dad, the scouts are no fun. I just want to draw.
Oh, and… [kisses Peter] Peter: Son, I am going to stand up, walk out of this room, and we are never to speak of this again. We gotta get going. What are you selling, chicken or sex jelly? Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. She had nine STDs.
And when we caught her she wet herself. Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter. Peter, why would they make you presidesnt? Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise. They ate Tricia Takanawa. Now open up for the airplane … Stewie: Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers. What happened with your date? The same thing that always happens, she was an idiot. Together we can do anything: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!
What the hell are you talking about? I had such a crush on her. Until I met you Lois. OK, hold on a sceond. No bird frenches my wife and gets away with it.