Parks and recreation meet greet quotes about family

Parks and Recreation s04e05 Episode Script | SS

parks and recreation meet greet quotes about family

See more ideas about Parks and recreation, Ron swanson quotes and Hilarious. slightest chance of passing both houses of Congress or if will soon meet the. Ron: No home is complete without a proper toolbox. Here's April and Andy's: A hammer, a half eaten pretzel, a baseball card, some cartridge. Parks and Recreation recap: 'Meet 'n' Greet' So the emotionally stunted Andy employed his own family method of communication — wrestle.

It's time to settle this. Ah, an old fashioned prairie drink-off. Ugh, what's in that jug? It smells like jet fuel! That's Swanson family mash liquor. Made from the finest corn ever grown on American soil. It's only legal use is to strip varnish off of speed boats.

If you win, he's all yours, and if I win, I bring him back to the farm for good. That wasn't the deal! Pour me one too, then. Let me in here! I'm gonna join you and if I win, Ron stays here with us. Leslie, no, don't drink that. We use it to burn warts off of the mules! I made a mistake. She's had enough, call it off. That's not how it works. Wait, I'm subbing in. That stuff will melt the shell off a garden snail.

parks and recreation meet greet quotes about family

April hates Valentine's Day. And brunch, and outside, and smiling. I will find you love. What did you say something? Thank you all for being here. Sorry, I was talking to these ribs. Quick question about Ann.

Does anybody know if she has any Indian in her? No one say anything. I'm just curious if Ann has a little Indian in her. I don't think she does- Tom: Would she like some!? I don't think it's appropriate for people to be getting wet with sound. Can I have it!?

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No, no you can't! Where'd you get it!? How do you know what a cryptex is? I know what things are. Well Leslie hid the location of our Valentine's meeting place in here. I've tried every five letter word that has anything to do with our third date. Have you tried 'Fuck!? That's a four letter word. I really don't think it's that. I wish I could help you bro, I don't know if I can. You're like the second smartest guy I know.

You should go to the first smartest guy I know. So the clue is inside and it takes a five-letter code to open. Did you try 'Fucks? Why is that everyone's first suggestion?! I think I might be able to help you. I found a date for Ann! I put an ad on Craigslist.

I'll meet you inside okay? You hired a male escort. Please get your gigolo out of here. Well it's Valentine's Day and I'm single and I'm at a couple's dance. Can't imagine a more depressing place to be! How about a wedding where you used to go out with the groom and you're the only one there without a date so the bride makes you dance to 'Single Ladies' by yourself?

Best of Jerry - Parks and Recreation

Oh my God did that happen to you? Let's get a drink! Hey, Kris Kross, can we change up the music? It kinda sounds like the end of a movie about a monk who killed himself. There's some attractive women here! Why don't you rebound!? Nobody here compares to Millicent. Stop staring at Jerry like that! Look Knope, I've always liked you, but the Newports run this town, and frankly they've donated a lot of money to the department. Mo' money, mo' problems, that's what I always say.

How about mo' money, mo' protective kevlar vests that save lives? I understand you need to think about it, but if you were gonna make a decision The guys are throwing me a little retirement thing tonight at O'Flinigans. There's gonna be beer so why don't you swing by, I'll give you an answer. Weirdo can come, too. Oh hey, uh, may I say Obviously some more than others. Oh boy, here it comes Uh, yes, uh, Leslie Knope is a female person with whom I was, uh, involved.

We had [clears throat] romantic We're not big on hospitality. The Meagles are a cold people. Never half-ass two things.

It reminds me of when my dad made me choose which of my pet calves to slaughter with my own hands for my 6th birthday.

I couldn't choose, so I slaughtered both of them.

parks and recreation meet greet quotes about family

And they were delicious. Do I look like I drink water? It says "nympho" on the butt in silver sparkly letters. Nympho means you're addicted to sex, and since it's on the butt, there are other implications as well. So those are a maybe. Why are you here eating alone?

I'm surrounded by friends. Friends I don't know yet. And I'm engrossed in this book. It's the true story of a woman born with no arms and no legs who attempted to swim the English Channel. Oh, she drowned immediately. It's kind of a sad story. I've gotten to know the city councilmen pretty well because of my campaign.

If you hear them talking about "that blonde pain in the ass", that's me. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a hot, spinning cone of meat in that Greek restaurant next door. I don't know what it is, but I'd like to eat the whole thing. This is the best possible job for me. I could literally make anything sound positive.

Your house just burned down and you lost all your money in the stock market. It's a chance to start over.

parks and recreation meet greet quotes about family

And true wealth is measured by the amount of love in your life. If I had to have anybody tell me that I have cancer, I would want it to be me. Is the menu all set? Yes I will be providing several slabs of my world famous Swanson ribs. So you do a lot of investing? We like to dabble. I recently invested in some shirts at a garage sale. Left those at a Wendy's on the way home, so You are here because you gave us money.

Now we will give you ribs. Also you will watch the debate. If you like the debate you'll give us more money. Nothing gets me more amped than Sarah McLachlan!

Many of you know me as the man who sells you your guns at the Gunbelievable Gun Emporium. Random Guy In The Crowd: I want to tell ya about my idea for assault rifle vending machines.

You might be thinking, what would an adult film star know about politics?

parks and recreation meet greet quotes about family

Well, I produced and starred in over adult films this year alone. And just like Leslie, I know what it's like to be the only woman in a room full of men. Enrico De La Rosa: I am Enrico De La Rosa. I believe animals are as important as people.

parks and recreation meet greet quotes about family

And if elected, I will fight for them as if they are my own children. I'd just like to say that like Leslie, I don't have people do my work for me. Leslie and I do our work ourselves. My work of course is having sex with men and women on camera. Once again Brandi and Leslie are essentially the same person. From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as Eagle One. Been There, Done That. April is Currently Doing That. Ben is Eagle Two. I'll tell you what I want.

I want better schools. I want cleaner streets. I want to expel the violent gangs of geese in Detweiler Square. And I will finally eliminate this city's libraries!! Everybody says they care about the issues, but at the end of the day all anyone really wants is free clothing shot at them from a cannon. He's just playing hard ball. Let me tell you how it's going to go down: In a few minutes, we'll walk in there, we'll give him our demands, and then BAM, I start crying. Okay Ben what do we do?!

It's unfortunate but the stakes are too high! We can't just stop campaigning. We stop, we lose! Good answer, great body! Ann try to beat what he said.

I'm not gonna beat him. Not with that attitude! I think you should stop.

Parks and Recreation recap: 'Meet 'n' Greet' |

At least until you apologize to Bobby in person. I wasn't listening but I strongly disagree with Ann! If you let Newport have the vans they'll just sit there in a lot. If you let us have the vans, they drive around town all day. Everyone will see your logo It was a helluva day. People need to now about it.

Ron Swanson

And that is "Groffle the Awful Waffle," a book I wrote and published on behalf of my education initiative. How did Groffle cross the syrup river? And why did you call Mr. I should not have called Nick Newport a jerk because we need to be respectful of all dead people. I mean not Stalin or Hitler I'm not calling Nick Newport Hitler.

Knope I have a follow-up to what I'm now deciding to call "Jerkgate. And quit ducking the waffle question. Did Groffle use a boat of some kind? There are no rules.

See, you're angry with me, and you're not talking about it, and I'm gonna beat you up until you do, because I'm mature. I grew up with five brothers, and we fought. Using the Dwyer method, which was yelling, wrestling, crying, followed by lots of hugs. And then more wrestling, but the fun kind, and then crying, when the fun kind of wrestling got outta hand. I've never seen you buy a salad at Sue's Salads. That's because I don't hate myself, Tania.

Despite the fact that this seems like a party for Tom's face I think it's going pretty well. They say you gotta spend money to make money, well I dunno where we went wrong! We spent ALL of our money! I wanted to shock you, into expressing your anger! I can't find my car keys.

Solve this mystery genius.