Should I stay in my marriage for the kids? | Parents
It's called a Parenting Marriage and more and more couples are turning to this option as a way to “stay for the kids” without staying stuck in a bad relationship. Parents in an unhappy marriage will often stay for the sake of the children. Despite their My wife had two kids from a past very bad relationship. And her and. Unfortunately, choosing martyrdom for the kids is a really bad decision. Here are five reasons to reconsider staying together for the kids.
Should I stay in my marriage for the kids?
It may lead to low self-esteem for your kids. Thomas Barwick via Getty Images Children are likely to grow into "adults who have low self-esteem and trust issues" if they're exposed to parents who are chronically unhappy.
A tension-filled home can leave even the most confident, sure-footed child feeling uncertain and rejected. Indeed, studies have shown that being raised in a high-conflict home can cause children to have feelings of low self-esteem and unworthiness, said Terry Gaspard, a therapist specializing in divorce and the author of Daughters of Divorce. An important question to ask yourself is, would the well-being of the children be enhanced by a move to a divorced, single-parent family?
If the answer is yes, then a divorce can be advantageous. Kids often feel responsible for their parents' happiness. It doesn't matter how much you try to shield your kids from the unhappiness and lack of love between you and your spouse -- chances are, they'll pick up on it, said Betsy Rossa Massachusetts-based psychotherapist.
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Unhappy spouses are often less present as parents. When it's a struggle to get along with your spouse, you may not be raring to head home to your family every day, said Mecklinger. Divorce is not pretty. It adds stress to the lives of each spouse, their families, friends and their children. Unfortunately, divorce tends to bring out the worst in people.
Hurt feelings and anger often take precedence over doing what is truly best for the kids. Because of this, I always encourage couples to do everything they can to work on their issues and challenge themselves to do the work to repair their marriages before choosing divorce.
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Talk with friends and loved ones. When a marriage is healthy and the parents are working together towards the long-term health and happiness of the marriage and the family, it is always better for the kids.
Having said that, there is no reason to believe that staying together at any cost is better for children than divorcing. In fact, when parents who are unhappy together and engage in unhealthy relationship habits stay together "for the kids" it can often do more harm than good.
The behaviors you display in your home will set the stage for how your children will behave as adults.