How birth order affects marriage and relationships | 2KnowMySelf
Who you should marry based on your birth order Firstborn-middle child relationships can be confusing for firstborns, because middle children. Let us study the effect of birth order on relationships, in this article. Marriage between two oldest order individuals turns into a lifelong power struggle, whereas. Go ahead and add "failed relationships" to the long list of things you can blame on Just don't try to interpret compatibility based on birth order and astrology.
Because they have that first-born spouse who is probably keeping things organized and running smoothly, last borns may go off on their impetuous own now and then--to buy something, schedule something, or just do something without letting their spouse know. One of the best bits of wisdom I ever received concerning marriage came from Dr. An only child, Dr. Dobson is scholarly, organized, conscientious, and reliable. So one day while Sande and I were having lunch with him, I asked, "Jim, if there was one bit of advice you could give me, what would it be?
Dobson's advice applies to any birth-order marriage match, but it especially applied to the last-born Cub and Mama Bear! I said to myself, If an only child with Jim Dobson's credentials thinks that's a good idea, then I do too!
I've tried to follow his advice ever since and it has always paid off. Middle Plus Middle Can Equal a Muddle As we have seen, two married middle children will probably not communicate well. They tend to feel it isn't worth the hassle to confront each other.
- Effect of Birth Order on Relationships
- Who you should marry based on your birth order
- The Ultimate Source for Understanding Yourself and others
They may also discount the value of their own opinions. These attitudes are typical of middle children. One simple little device that I have used with great success when counseling a middle married to a middle is the suggestion bowl. Place a clear bowl or jar in a prominent place where both of you can see it and deposit in it your suggestions. Keep pads of paper and pencils or pens handy.How Birth Order Affects Who You Are
The husband should use one color of paper; the wife another. When the husband wants to tell his wife something, he writes a suggestion on his pad and drops it into the bowl.
And when the wife wants to give hubby a suggestion, she does the same. Some spouses--particularly men--think the suggestion bowl is too much of a crutch, but I talk them into trying it anyway because, the fact is, some of us simply can't look our mate in the eye and tell him or her what is on our mind. Some other tips to keep the middle-child marriage healthy include: Build up each other's self-esteem.
Middle children often have a poor to only fair self-image, so let each other know you appreciate the other's strengths and abilities. Be sure to make sincere comments, not obvious pat-on-the-head remarks designed to flatter or manipulate.
Provide plenty of space for outside friendships. Remember that as middle children you both are probably big on having friends and social acquaintances.
Encourage each other to make these kind of contacts, but only with the same sex. I know it's the '90s, but my files and the files of thousands of other counselors are full of examples of affairs that started because one spouse had a "special friend" of the opposite sex.
Effect of Birth Order on Relationships
Do special things for each other. I've already mentioned this, but it bears repeating: Middle children usually don't grow up feeling very special because they are squeezed and ignored.
You don't have to spend a lot of time or money. Love notes are always good. A single rose, a small bottle of cologne, a special dinner--it's definitely the thought, not the amount of money, that counts.
Above all, show each other mutual respect. You show respect when you telephone if you're running late; check with your spouse before making commitments; refrain from talking about your marriage in front of others; back each other up in front of the children, particularly on discipline matters; and never bad-mouth each other in the presence of others. Middle Child Plus Baby--a Pretty Good Match According to birth order studies, middle children and last borns rank right up there as potentially successful pairings for marriage.
The middle child, typically strong in negotiating and compromising, pairs up well with a socially outgoing baby of the family. And somewhat paradoxically, this kind of marriage has a high probability for good communication--sharing feelings and rolling with the punches. Yes, I know I said earlier that middle children tend to clam up and not share emotions, but the plus factor here is that middle children are not as threatened by babies of the family as they might be by meticulous exacting first borns.
So, the odds--and remember, all of these birth order pairing observations go by the odds--are good for decent communication.
Here are some tips for making a fairly good blend even better: Middle-child spouses should work things out, but guard against being condescending. Last-born mates will smell that in a moment because people have been writing them off in a condescending way all their lives. Blend your social interests with your last-born spouse's desire to have fun. If you're a typical middle child, friends are important and you enjoy having people over and other social outreach.
If your last-born mate is typical, he or she will always be ready for adventure and trying something new. When daily connections and pressures make it impossible to get away, the middle-child spouse should grant in fantasy that which is impossible in reality by saying something like: Last-born spouses should realize they have a selfish streak and a desire to hold the spotlight. Work at backing off from your demands for service or attention.
Do everything you can to make your middle-child mate feel pampered and special. Don't have fun at your spouse's expense. This is good advice for any birth order, but it applies particularly to last borns who want to have fun, play practical jokes, and get in sarcastic little digs--all just to get a laugh.
Keep in mind, however, that many middle children battle feelings of inferiority and it's easy to press the wrong button or push too hard. The general rule is always try to laugh with your mate, not at him or her. They have a big problem with answering the metaphorical question, "Who is running the asylum? Two last borns must put their heads together and decide who will pay the bills, who will do the shopping, who will cook and clean up, who will take charge of the social calendar, who cleans house, and who is point guard on disciplining the kids.
Notice I said "point guard" for discipline, which suggests that Mom and Dad are a team, but that one of them may have to take the lead while the other one is backup.
What Your Birth Order Can Tell You About Your Love Life
If last borns don't get a grip and make firm decisions on these practical matters, they can arrive in big-time trouble fast. Babies of the family have a tendency to forget or assume their spouse was going to do what needed doing.
I thought you were going to! But if your spouse is last born, guess who's catching the buck and throwing it right back in your face? Beware of selective listening. Remember that you're both manipulators. You may wind up playing games with one another and selectively hearing only what you want to hear.
Then when you're finally called to account you'll come back with the old standby: I never really agreed to do that. Why didn't you tell me? I had no idea!
The best marriage pairing based on birth order - Business Insider
The best cure for selective listening is active listening, which means you listen with more than your ears. Look directly at your partner and sense his or her feelings as well as trying to understand the facts being communicated. A counseling device I often use with couples is to sit them in chairs facing each other with their knees practically touching. Then they hold hands and talk about their problems.
They have one rule: While one person speaks, the other cannot interrupt; and before replying, the one who has been listening has to "feed back" to the speaker's satisfaction everything that the speaker said.
Yes, this is a ponderous way to have a discussion. Using Leman's book and the previous studies, we've identified the best and worst mates based on birth order. Remember, this is only a general guide and not all marriages and individuals will follow this pattern. If you are a firstborn Another firstborn According to a study by Walter Toman, a professor of Clinical Psychology at the University of Erlangen-Nuremberg in Germany, on 3, familiesyou have pretty good odds of a successful marriage if you're a firstborn who marries a lastborn.
Leman says that is because there's an opposites-attract thing going on. The firstborn is more Type A, and teaches the lastborn little things about organisation, whereas the lastborn helps keep the atmosphere light and reminds the firstborn not to take everything so seriously.
According to the study, the best possible match is a firstborn female with a lastborn male, because their needs are in harmony with each other.
Hillary and Bill Clinton are a famous firstborn couple. They tend to bump heads because firstborns can be perfectionists and like having things done their own way, so it's all a matter of control. That doesn't mean you're doomed from the start, though. For example, Hillary and Bill Clinton, who have been married 41 years, are both firstborns. To learn to let go, Leman writes that you should stop trying to improve your spouse, and instead bite your tongue and stop criticising. He also says that you should define your roles carefully, so there's no power play over who pays the bills or who does the shopping.
Firstborn-middle child relationships can be confusing for firstborns, because middle children can be closed off and bad at communicating their feelings. Some people think that establishing a successful marriage or a loving relationship is a simple task that doesn't involve getting into complex details but they are completely wrong.
If you don't understand your own personality and your partner's personality then certainly your love life isn't going to fare well. By understanding how the birth order of both you and your relationship partner affects your personalities you will be able to have a better relationship and a successful marriage.
Why does birth order affect marriage and relationship As a result finding himself growing in different conditions each child develops a different personality traits based on his birth order.
Because those children develop different view of the world and of relationships in turn each of them require a special way of handling in order to be be satisfied with his relationship. The following are some examples that will show you how can birth order affect relationships: The youngest child and relationships: The youngest child is usually a spoiled child who learned how to get everything he wants.
As a result he might be very demanding when he gets into a relationship.